Pauline Hanson made the phrase ‘please explain’ famous and a few years back the Small Luxury Hotels of the World organisation wanted to make ‘please complain’ nearly as well-known.

The group argued the case that they needed people to tell them what they were doing wrong or what they, as consumers, actually wanted. It was a most professional approach to business that should be emulated by not only all businesses.

Obviously, like the Small Luxury Hotel mob, no-one needs frivolous, self-interested whinges but everyone benefits from constructive criticism and complaints. The only two problems are that we Aussies seem ill-equipped on the both sides of a complaint.

Everyone knows that most small business people have gone to the Basil Fawlty school of complaint handling. I know, I have regularly complained about it in articles I’ve written over the years.

On the flipside, we consumers have learnt too much from our English ancestors or masters (take your pick), which means we run a mile to avoid a confrontation over business.

Of course, some are specialist complainers and predictably the majority of cowards in this country are highly critical towards them.

The Americans seem to be better trained at the art of the complaint, though from our wimpy point of view, I am sure we think that they are over the top.

At the moment, many consumers do hold their tongue when a tradesperson is making mistakes or a waiter is ignoring your table, but by ignoring it, it sets off the jets which starts the boiling process which often culminates in the blow-up.

And a customer blow-up generally sets up a chain reaction for the ‘oh, too touchy’ small business proprietor or staff member, who has learnt his or her customer service techniques from their boss.

Let me tell you a classic that I heard about the other day.

There’s a trendy café not far from where I live. It’s your typical Eastern suburbs of Sydney hangout – lots of cool people reading newspapers, sipping coffee and generally passing the time away as if they are the chosen few – and yes, it is near where I live so I could be pinpointed as one of these people!

The food is good and the coffee the same at this eatery so I do pop in there from time to time. But I find the staff really abrupt and even bordering on rude. And they’ve tried to put me in my place for no good reason on at least one occasion, and surprisingly enough, I just sat back and copped it.

Funnily enough though recently I was at a sound studio recording my program for Qantas, Talking Business. One of the staff at the studio works at this café on the weekend and we were chatting about it during breaks in recording.

I mentioned that sometimes the staff could be abrupt and she agreed. She said the owner was tired and wanted to sell the café, but couldn’t find a buyer at the right price. Apparently there were no systems in place at this cafe and the owner was still so tied to the business and needed to be there all the time – or so she thought.

The owner apparently had told all her staff that people in the eastern suburbs could be rude and ‘up themselves’ and if a customer was rude to them then they should be rude right back!

So here’s my point. The business has no systems. The owner is working in the business constantly. The owner wants out and can’t cope. So she transfers her tired and washed out attitude to her staff who then in turn treat customers (even ones like me who aren’t rude in public) like they are lucky to be eating in the café!

End result is bad business and a loss of business.

Obviously, if business owners understood that most customers come to you because they like you for some reason, then, by using the ‘please complain’ line, at the worst you would hear something that might hurt you personally or egotistically, but it won’t bruise your bottom line.

The same goes for people in relationships and obviously the customer-business proprietor association is a relationship. If there is a free flow of genuine complaints, the relationship is bound to be more profitable for the business owner and more satisfying for the consumer.

PS: I received a complaint once. A reader of one of my columns told me it was unacceptable for me to use the word ‘landlords’ as it is and I quote, “v-e-r-y gender-biased”.

Now, ordinarily this could have made me really angry about the growth of the ‘word and thought police’, but the kind complainer mentioned how she enjoyed my articles and how she thought I was a “so with it” writer.

This beautifully delivered complaint has meant I am now looking for a gender non-specific substitute for landlords. Not liking lessor, my first preference is for ‘landruler’.

By Peter Switzer, published on 29/07/2008

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